This is one of the most common phrases I hear when speaking to leaders in different companies – “I don’t have enough time!” And I admit to using it myself on many more than one occasion. But underneath I know whenever say that, I am lying to myself. It is not that I don’t have the time; it is that I am prioritising something or someone else. I believe that time is not something that you have, but something that you make for the things in life that are important to you. I am only too aware when I tell my family or friends that I don’t have time to speak to them tonight because I have work to do, that I am prioritising work over them. And when I think about it this way it often makes me feel guilty.
Let’s dig a little deeper into what is going on here…
Why am I prioritising work? What is it giving me or others that makes it more important? Often it is because I do not want to let others down or do a bad job, or I’m letting others dictate my schedule for me without setting firm boundaries. The first excuse sounds valid, even virtuous, but is it really? Underlying this is a desire for others to think well of me – call it a social motivation. But it is my social motivation. I am prioritising my own needs here over those of my family and friends. The second excuse means I have not matured far enough to develop my own voice and set my own direction. Although I know this is actually a lot harder to do than most people think and for many it takes years of practice if they ever get there, it still makes me feel disappointed with myself.
There is a third option that I have missed - my family and friends just aren’t that important to me. Now I know that this is not the case. My close relationships are very important to me, so why do I keep putting myself or other people that are not as close to me first? Do I care more about their opinion of me because I take my family’s love and positive regard for granted?
So next time you catch yourself saying “I don’t have time” ask yourself what you are prioritising instead. Don’t be busy. Be smart with your time, and make the time for those things that matter the most. If something really isn’t that important to you, don’t use the excuse of “I don’t have time”. Be honest with yourself and with others otherwise you just might start believing it.